Raise Me Up
by SallySorrell
Summary: A "parallel universe" to my story, "Let me be Your Downfall". Jack is still dying, but, instead, needs to focus on repairing what remains of Renee's shattered life. Jack/Renee, like most of my writing...
1. The Asterisk

"It's cold…" Renee observed. She rubbed her hands together, and then shoved them into her coat pockets.

Jack wandered a few steps away, glancing back at the hospital as they left it.

The parking lot was deserted, and, other than Renee's occasional complaint, it was silent.

He caught up to her, and forced a tight smile.

"What?" She quizzed him, as he seized her shoulders. He seemed to be in an unreasonably good mood.

Was he paying attention or not? They'd just left from a meeting with Dr. Macer, who was retiring. Despite the President's pleas, Macer left Jack's case open to another medical team.

With Jack's current treatment, which was the most advanced thing science could offer, he was given a year and half to live.

Jack, however, was optimistic, and ignored whatever estimates Dr. Macer threw his way.

"What?" Renee repeated. All she had to do now was drop Jack off at his apartment. There would be no emotional goodbye, there would be no conversation, beyond a necessary set of questions and answers.

Renee stopped his arms before they trailed any further; they had barely reached her waist.

Renee gently slapped his hands away. Jack blinked sharply to reprimand himself.

"My car is right here, Jack." She informed him, and promptly stopped walking. She dug through her purse for her car-keys.

Cautiously, he placed his hand back onto her shoulder. He chose a safer path, allowing it to trace its way to Renee's hand instead. He met a jagged, swollen patch at her wrist.

She lunged forward to slap him again, but couldn't bring herself to do so. Did he really need any more pain? No, of course not! That alone was the reason that Renee would not allow herself to love him.

Her eyes narrowed and faded into an unforgiving, almost steely shade of grey, and she glared at him through a cage of her hair.

Softly, Jack picked up both of her arms. He held them forward, inspecting them before Renee's headlights. She had unlocked the car, and fully intended on getting in.

Jack was pained to see at least a dozen scars across each of Renee's wrists. They overlapped one another, all in a hurry to reach her veins. The soft flesh was permanently scarred and dented. On each wrist, the shape of an asterisk was perfectly formed, as if planned. Certainly planned.

Entranced, he harshly removed her jacket, throwing it to the ground. She stood and allowed the examination to continue. Really, what was the point in arguing?

"Jack, I can explain…" Renee lied.

"I don't want to hear it." Jack tenderly placed her hands back down at her sides. He retrieved her coat and escorted her to the car door.

"Get in." He told her sternly.

_Why am I obeying him? Should I just tell the damn lie and get it over with? He'll keep pursuing this, no matter what I do. _Renee's mind was cloudy, and a single tear jumped to her steering wheel. _But I don't want him to worry… _

Jack sat quietly in the car. Renee had yet to turn the key.

He looked at his knees, while she looked out the window at the pale sky. They both inhaled, in sync, and then looked right at each other.

"Why, Renee?" He asked. His voice was low and quiet.

She cried.

"Jack, I don't want you to worry about it. I'll just drop you off at home…"

She started the car.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Renee."

"What?! I don't need your _supervision_! If you want to hear the story, I will gladly tell it. But this goes no further."

He nodded. All his life, he had become accustomed to making such deals. In time, of course, he would get all the answers he wanted. That's the way it always worked.

She pulled out of the narrow parking space and began down a dim road. The way to her house. They would not be stopping by his that night.

As she wound through side-streets, she told her story.

A story of the pain and emptiness that she felt without him. And all the reasons she wanted to spend every minute of their lives together.

Every minute that his new estimate would allow.

* * *

**Author's Note: There it is, chapter one. Your input would certainly make it easier for me to continue... Is it too angsty?  
**


	2. A Day Trip

Renee's eyes opened slowly, like a garage door. She felt almost ashamed to see that Jack's were already open. Intently, Jack studied her, and watched as she struggled to sit up.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked him, her voice dry and harsh.

Renee studied her surroundings. She must've fallen asleep on the couch. Jack loomed over her from a barstool that he had dragged into the living room. A blanket that Renee hadn't seen in years was somehow wrapped around her.

At that instant, she regretted giving him a house-key. Triumphantly, he smiled.

"Are you gonna answer me?"

Jack got up and found coffee. He started enough for both of them.

"Come on, Renee. You remember." He peered at her from between the counter and cabinets, "We set this up weeks ago."

Then it hit her, a quick bolt of memory. Both of them were sitting on her couch, that first night. Her hair was wet, and the shade of ripe cherries. His was thin, and wouldn't be around much longer.

After some dreary conversation, Jack offered her a trip to the beach. She was tired and agreeable. He was composed, and admired her as she nodded. The date was set.

"I haven't packed anything." She admitted, getting up.

"Then it'll be a day-trip."

"You do realize it's January, right?"

"Just like you realized it was January? You picked the day!"

Renee rolled her eyes as she entered the kitchen. Jack handed her a cup of coffee and escorted her outside to his car.

Renee's house was only a half-hour from their destination. They talked, briefly, while the radio droned in the background. Jack had picked up breakfast for them both on his way. One of his old CTU jackets sat in the backseat, holding a camera. Renee hadn't even remembered to change. She wore the same faded grey jeans that she'd worn for three days now. Each day, she wasn't motivated to do anything but sleep. She hadn't made it past the couch in her last three tries. Her shirt was a pale green, intended to accent her hair color.

The past few weeks had been torturous for Renee. All of the days had run together, into a dismal routine; food, pain, sleep, nightmares, memories of pain, sleep. It repeated until Jack came to her rescue. In fact, the only moments she could distinctly remember involved him. The first twenty-four hours they spent together was the first field mission she'd been assigned to, since that undercover one with a Russian... gang, six years back. She didn't like to think about it.

Jack stopped the car. Both of them stepped out, and neither knew where to go. The camera, jacket, and breakfast were gathered. Jack ended up leading them, around a shack and restaurant to the sand. They followed the sound of a low, melodic tide. It was near seven AM.

"Thanks for taking me..." Renee sounded unsure, even as she said it. She did her best to hide her wrists in her pockets. If Jack saw them, lectures would begin.

"We both needed it."

Then, there was silence.

"How's Kim?"

"Fine." In truth, Jack had no idea. After their surgeries, she distanced herself. She thought she could save his life. When she learned that she had only prolonged his suffering, she wanted nothing to do with him. Occasionally, that would tear at him inside.

"That's good." Renee recited.

"How are you?" He asked. He prepared his jacket for her, as he noticed her shivering.

Gratefully, she accepted it.

"I don't know. I need to do something with my life."

"You've done enough. Relax..."

"Well, then not with my life, _about_ it. I have nothing to live for."

"So I'm nothing now?"

More silence.

"Come on, Ren," He continued, "I've thought that same thing. And I've gotten through it. I know what's happened to you, and I want to... I wanna _help_ you."

Renee enjoyed hearing those words. She never thought of herself as needy or expectant, but, the offer of something vague like this... she couldn't refuse. He wanted to help her? That could mean anything. Except therapy, counseling. Those, she _would_ refuse.

"Why don't you go find a spot for us to have breakfast?" Jack asked her, "We can talk some more, okay?"

He was always good at turning things into questions.

Renee wandered ahead. Several cheery umbrellas were set up in the distance, and no one sat under them. She envisioned a perfect breakfast occurring there. They could both watch the sunrise, safe in the shade. The waves would approach them, but never get too close.

As she walked, Jack prepared his camera.

"Renee!" He called.

Instantly, she spun around. Her hair drifted along, a second delayed. She began to roll her eyes, and was met with a bright flash.

"Jack!" She returned, mildly upset.

He caught up to her, and they walked together to the umbrellas. Jack set up their breakfast, and they ate in a conservative silence.

Neither was angry. Both were thinking.

Renee thought of what to do next. She had been in such a melancholy mood. She loved Jack, but didn't want to be dependent on anyone. Nor did she want to watch him die.

Jack thought of how perfect Renee looked. He would treasure that picture forever, no matter what it looked like. He vowed, to himself, to take it to his deathbed.

The sun began its ascent.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading part two. Let me know what you think, please. And, check out my profile for some new information. I'm going to attempt to start a contest (type-thing...) **


	3. Our First Night Together

**Author's Note: In case I wasn't clear, these chapters will NOT be in chronological order. They're all flashbacks, and I'm doing my best to match the order in **_**Let me be Your Downfall**_**… sorry if this confuses you… please enjoy!**

Renee had collapsed on her maroon couch. Pillows formed walls around her, and a blanket dragged against the floor. One of her eyes was shut, while the other patrolled the room. After the events of the previous twenty-four hours, she took no chances. She vowed never to take a chance again.

Her last scouring of the room picked up the shaking of her front door. The sound of a knock followed, slightly delayed.

She didn't flinch, but instead, reached calmly to her holster. She removed her gun, and pulled back the hammer.

The knocking resumed.

Renee stood up, keeping the gun behind her back. From beyond the door, she could hear pained breathing.

Slowly, she peeled the door open. Jack dared to look at her.

"Renee? Do you mind if I come in?"

She shook her head, and opened the door, barely far enough for him to pass through.

"Sit down." She ordered. Really, she didn't want to sound demanding, but she was tired. She hadn't even had the chance to change into a more suitable, comfortable set of clothes.

Jack sat down on her couch, and watched as Renee ducked beneath the counter. She freed the magazine from her gun and set them both on the counter, facing the wall.

Renee concentrated on her window, which was as far as possible from Jack as she could look. Meanwhile, Jack focused only on her, enjoying every detail. Each curve of her hair and body, the gentle shadows that the fluorescent kitchen lights splashed over her face, each intent bat of her eyelashes.

"I'm sorry to bother you…" Jack confessed, still entranced by her every breath, "I wanted to apologize. I put you in a lot of danger today… I'm just glad that you're okay."

He took in a sharp breath, then proceeded to cough for several seconds. Cautiously, Renee emerged and sat beside him.

"What about you… are you going to be okay?" Renee asked him, slowly placing a hand against his back. Timidly, she ran it in small circles.

"I'm fine."

"What about the treatment? Is Kim going to go through with it?"

"I won't let her."

"But, then you're gonna die."

His eyes met hers.

"S-sorry," she began, "I didn't mean…"

"It's true."

For a minute, no one spoke.

Renee pondered her exact feelings. She _loved_ Jack, she was sure of it. Originally, she felt this confusion over him, then, it advanced into a mild hatred. The love sprouted from a feeling of pity. How terrible his life had been! He needed someone to make it better, and Renee was proud to volunteer.

But she refused to look eager. She didn't want to torment him, or to distract him. And, if he didn't approve, who would stop him from killing her?

"I want you to get that treatment, Jack." Renee informed him, "I know you probably wouldn't consider my opinion, but I… care about you. I just met you. You can't die now."

Looking uncomfortable, Jack shifted in his seat. He glanced at the clock on her otherwise unfurnished wall. Three-thirty in the morning.

"Mind if I start coffee?" Renee asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Go for it."

Jack watched as she did so, while he thought. If she needed him, then he had to grant that request. She had done so much for him that past day… he needed to repay her. He owed her every favor in the world.

But the treatment… that wasn't okay with him. He would never, ever put his daughter in danger. No, not even for Renee. They had just met, after all.

Renee busied herself with coffee, and fetched two matching, grey mugs from a looming cabinet. She scoured her pantry as well, hoping to find the appropriate, light snack. Cinnamon tea-cookies was the best she could do. She set them on a tray, and waited for the coffee to brew.

Jack took small and quiet steps toward her. He rested his head over her shoulder, and watched everything that she watched. Gently, he took her waist in his arms, and spun her around. Before Renee could protest, he had forced his lips against hers.

"I promise I'll be okay…" Jack told her, as he pulled away.

Renee's eyes widened and moistened.

She nudged him down her hallway, toward the bedroom…

***

_Weeks later, Renee cursed as she said his name. She rolled her eyes and glared at her bed. Her sheets, now wrapped in some false love, burned her when she slept. Guilt and jealousy composed endless verses in her head. _

_These songs were written by a knife. Freshly sharpened, and thin like wire. _

_A one night stand? Wasn't Jack above stuff like that? He hadn't bothered to even call her in a month. The only time she'd heard her name was that first night. It was forced harshly upon her ears. _

_Renee felt absolutely no pain or regret as the blade met her wrist. _

**Author's Note (part two!): So… angsty? I would love to hear your thoughts, considering this piece is stretching beyond what I'd usually write. Renee is indeed a complicated character. (Who didn't deserve to die, by the way!)**

**~Sally**


	4. The Morning After

Renee cried the next morning.

Shards of sunlight fought through her drapes, warming one side of her face. She hoped to hear Jack rustling beside her, or, at least _breathing_.

At first, she thought she'd killed him. Stress, worry, exhaustion… whatever.

They had spent literally the past two days together. Almost every hour of them.

The night before, Jack had come over to her place, wanting to talk. Between kisses and other things, they had planned a vacation together, and Renee finally got a chance to take a shower. So did Jack.

He was still there beside her on the bed, but his eyes were already open. He faced the ceiling, and had pulled the sheets up to cover his entire collection of scars.

With caution, Renee proceeded to turn her head. She studied him for a moment, glaring.

"Renee?" He asked her, moving his hands to her side. He ran them softly over every part of her that he could reach. It was a gentle massage, and Jack never intended to scare her, but that's exactly what he did.

Renee leapt backwards, nearly falling out of the bed.

"Get the hell away from me!" she shouted. She pulled the sheets off of him, wrapping them around herself instead. She was embarrassed and afraid.

Slowly, he got up and dressed himself. She came forward to inspect his scars before he put on his shirt.

There were so many… she couldn't even begin to think of who or what had put them there. Was she just like those? Someone he would easily forget? Something that brought back pain and shame?

"Go." She told him. Her voice was stretched to its lowest, and sounded more like a growl.

Renee was disgusted with herself, for even letting him into her house.

Jack retreated, not even bothering with his shirt. The depth of Renee's eyes told him a terrible story that he wanted no part in.

As soon as he was gone, Renee slammed her door and wept.

She never meant to snap on him. It just… reminded her of things. Terrible, terrible times. Particularly ones spent in the midst of a Russian gang. Vladimir had done similar things to her. Jack, of course, had been tender and polite. But that was beside the point.

Renee knelt over her bed, and returned the sheets to their place. She got dressed, and then cowered in the corner, violently shaking.

"How could I let this happen?" she demanded of herself, "How could I be so stupid?"

She snatched up a piece of paper, the one which she had written Jack's phone number on. Also, the date for their vacation.

Onto it, she scribbled the following shape: *

**Author's Note: Yah, that was a bit over-the-top for me… but, if you liked it, please, do let me know. Originally, I wrote this much, much differently. If you'd like a revised, not-too-depressing version, I've got one handy!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! Your thoughts make it so much more fun for me to keep writing!**

**~Sally**


End file.
